By avoiding two key pitfalls, leaders can turn performance conversations into opportunities for clarity and trust—ensuring feedback is both constructive and well-received.
“What is feedback?” the client asked.
“It is an interpersonal exchange that is intended to improve performance and develop stronger human relations at work,” I said.
“That is not what it is at my corporation,” the client said.
“Help me understand how you see feedback,” I replied.
“I am not sure what feedback is supposed to be. All I know is how I feel when someone uses the word ‘feedback’ or tells me they have feedback for me.”
“What is that feeling?”
“It is not a good feeling, physically or psychologically. Physically, I feel my heartbeat increase, my breathing becomes strained, and my muscles tighten up and stay tense. And psychologically, I feel defensive and distracted.”
This recent coaching conversation with a client highlights how easily the value of feedback can be undermined by poorly designed systems. When organizations misinterpret what feedback truly is, its potential impact is lost. Two key blind spots often drive this breakdown—and leaders need to address them head-on to foster a culture of continuous growth.
I call the first blind spot “destructive engagement”. This occurs when feedback is delivered in a way that feels punishing, dismissive, sarcastic, or threatening. When that happens, the recipient’s stress response is triggered—cortisol spikes, and the brain shifts into survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. In that state, their capacity for non-defensive listening and empathy is significantly reduced. The message gets lost. Leaders who unintentionally create this dynamic often find their feedback falling on deaf ears—not because the insight isn’t valid, but because the delivery shuts down the receiver’s ability to truly hear it.
The second blind spot is what I call “passive engagement”. This occurs when feedback is delivered in a guarded or unclear manner—more of a vague hint than a meaningful exchange. It’s as if the feedback provider expects others to interpret what’s unsaid. When feedback lacks clarity and transparency, it fails to drive accountability or growth.
Both “destructive engagement” and “passive engagement” undermine the true value of feedback. Neither approach fosters meaningful dialogue or encourages growth, as they lack specificity and can feel punitive rather than productive.
In contrast, constructive engagement is a vital tool when requesting, receiving, and delivering feedback. It ensures that emotional reactions don’t overshadow the conversation, allowing for more effective communication. The key lies in actively listening without defensiveness, demonstrating empathy and patience, suspending judgment, and providing focused attention. Paraphrasing to clarify confusion and setting clear expectations also play a critical role, as does seeking feedback on your own leadership. Cultivating these skills not only improves individual and organizational performance but also reinforces a culture of respect within the company.
Fostering a culture of constructive feedback is essential for leaders who want to drive both personal growth and organizational success.
By embracing these communication practices—active listening, empathy, and patience—executives can create environments where feedback leads to meaningful improvement, ongoing engagement, and mutual respect.
